The Shopping Detective Gets Nailed

This story begins in Provence in June. It is a true story, bien sur. I specialize in true stories.

So one fine day, I was routing around for something or another in the closet in my house in Provence and before you could translate your brain's reaction, an old fashioned, cast iron Singer Sewing Machine leapt off the top shelf, hit the floor and bounched onto my foot. Thankfully the force of the blow was muted in the bounce, or I might not be alive today. I limped away with a hysterical shriek.

Three weeks later, the toenail on my big toe on my left foot fell off. I was lucky my toes were not severed off and did understand that a new toenail would grow in within a few months. Furthermore, I saw the savings in being able to miss a few pedicures. Hey, times are hard, pedicures cost $28 where Ilive and that's without the tip.

Now I am off to Asia and unable to take sandals, which isn't the end of the world, but requires some changes to wardrobe. I thought about asking at Lady Nail May I Help You? if they could do a prosthetic toenail and pedicure, i thought about simply painting over the skin, I thought about world peace. I didn't feel that I needed to act on any of these issues.

This gets us to yesterday, a Saturday afternoon spent in my local WalMart where I needed to touch all the beauty products one last time before leaving the country for three week. And believe it or not, what I found there was a large business-- many brands, quite a selection-- in fake toenails!

Not only natural style toenails, but a variety of novelty nails, many in French formats be it a pink and white or the one I bought, with a hot pink band of color across the top. I bought the Diva, but noticed that Kiss also has their own line. I paid $5.79 for a kit with an orange stick, a tube of nail glue and a handful (excuse the expression) of toenails.

The directions say there are a variety of sizes, so you can make a match for a proper fit and that the glue job will last about a week if you bathe regularly. God only knows what the chlorine in the swimming pool will do. Probably curl my toes.

Nonetheless, I easily applied only the big toe on my partial big toenail and then gave myself a little pedicure with a bright berry pink Orly Razzle nail varnish. (Less $ than OPI; bought at Sally's, $4.99)

Because of the glue, I cannot carry-on the repair kit when I travel and will have to pack it. I just hope that when i take off my shoes at secruity, we don't have a toenail malfunction.